Funeral wishes are traditionally included in a will, although they are usually only brief. Very often, it is a question of simply requesting cremation or burial, and perhaps a certain location for the funeral service or where any ashes should be scattered.
If the deceased had more lengthy funeral wishes then typically they are set out in a separate letter of wishes, which can be kept alongside the will to ensure that it is not overlooked. One advantage of using a separate letter is for privacy, because when somebody dies and their will goes through probate, it becomes a public document. A separate letter of funeral wishes can be kept for the family only to see, and need not be submitted to the probate registry for publication.
What should my funeral wishes cover?
There are various points which it is helpful to cover when writing funeral wishes. A letter along these lines can be very helpful for the family – it is very reassuring to know for sure how the person would have liked things done, and those difficult conversations have not always been tackled. Below are some suggestions about the various aspects to cover in a letter of funeral wishes. There is no particular form that the letter should take – it can be set out as you wish.
- Cremation or burial?
- The location where you wish to be cremated or buried, and where any memorial service should be held.
- Any favourite clothes that you would like to be dressed in? Jewellery/keepsakes to be buried in?
- Death notices in which newspaper(s)?
- Should certain visitors to see the body be permitted in the chapel of rest?
- What tone should the service take? A celebration of life? Small and understated? A direct cremation with no service?
- Religious preferences – or a lack of them – when it comes to the service.
- Music that the you like and would want to be included, particularly going in/coming out of the crematorium, church or temple.
- Favourite readings, hymns or poems to include in the service.
- A request that certain people should read or speak?
- Who should attend the funeral? Family and close friends only? A list of certain people? Funerals are usually open to all, but it is important not to miss out any important guests. A request from the deceased that certain people do not attend cannot be enforced, but should hopefully be respected.
- Dress code for mourners. Traditional dark clothing? Something bright? A certain colour?
- Any preferences relating to the refreshments/funeral tea afterwards? Where this should be held and what should be served?
- Should people send flowers, or perhaps be asked to donate to a favourite chosen charity instead?
- Where should any ashes be scattered, and by whom?
- Choice, location and inscription for a permanent headstone/memorial?
Life History
Funeral services usually include a summary of the deceased’s life, so another extremely helpful thing to include in a letter of funeral wishes is a summary of your life history with key facts, dates, any anecdotes etc. It can be hard for the family to recall the finer detail, particularly from a time before they were around themselves, so having this summary to hand will make putting together a suitable (and accurate!) life history for the service much easier.
Contact Us
Chiltern Wills & Probate is a Will Writing business based in Beaconsfield and run by former London solicitor Rebecca D’Arcy. Call us on 01494 708688 or email info@chilternwills.com to discuss how we can assist you with Wills, Lasting Powers of Attorney or Probate work.
